..an imaginary story..
She was just four when stepped in to school for the first time.
“Where are the white ribbons?” said one of the teachers. “A girl should look pretty so put white ribbons on her.”
It was her fifth birthday; she received plenty of gifts like silver bracelets and cute pink frocks.
“We should make her look like a doll. After all she is a girl, and she should dress like one, with all the jewels and cute dresses.”, said her aunts.
She turned 8. All her clothes were replaced, her body was developing. She had a younger brother who turned 4. She wasn’t loved less by her parents after her brother was born, but she was cared more because they had to take good care of a girl child. After all, girl child brings all the wealth and happiness in a family was their belief.
“Sit properly. A girl needs to cross her legs while sitting.” Her mother used to teach good habits.
She was a quiet little child. She always agreed things. She was nervous all the time. She was curious but she kept things within herself. She had very little friends. She loved to play with her brother.
She is Sahara; her name has a beautiful meaning in Nepali. It means ‘Support’. As her beautiful name, she has a beautiful aim in life. She wants to help people around her, who are suffering from health hazards. She wants to work in the hospital that was few miles away from her village, where she could be able to be the villagers’ Sahara-the support.
She turned 12. It was a turning point in her life. She bled for the first time. She learned things. Besides the pain, she accepted the fact that, yes, she is a girl and this is a part of life.
But the rituals she didn’t like were, being abandoned to Chaupadi to stay during her menstrual cycle, skipping school as well, and moreover, not being able to see her brother, who was the only friend she had.
Chaupadi is a hut that is prepared away from the house, near the cowshed. It is so cold and she gets a lot of rashes due to mosquito bites.
She became used to all the harshness she received from her mother and father during her period. Chaupadi might be dirty, dark and cold, but at least provides her the shelter, when her world, the family could not. How easily she was moved from –”We should make her look like a doll.” to “Stay in there for the period days.”
That’s okay. She is not the only girl; all her female friends in school have same period stories too. When they gather in school and have a quality time to talk, they all make a wish of being a boy. But our little girl Sahara doesn’t wish that. Because, despite the pain she receives, she cannot deny her love for being what she is -a girl.
“Your thighs are seen. Wear a longer frock. Those skinny legs need to be hidden.”
“Why are your hair all messed up? A girl needs to make a pony tail and do not let the hair open.”
“Did you cut your hair short? Girls with long hair are angels. Do not cut the next time.”
She analyzed so many things while she got to hear these from people in her school and neighborhood. She was good at school.
Eventually she stopped going to school after a marriage proposal of a man came from a renowned family. She was 15, she was about to finish her school, but she had not given the final examinations of class ten.
“You might not get a marriage proposal from a man so wealthy and young, Sahara.”-Her mother’s words.
“Just give me few years to work on myself, after I become nurse, I will marry anyone you wish me to marry with.” – said Sahara; but unheard.
She was married the same month with all the rituals. Her father took a loan to make it up for a grand wedding. With all the gold and dowries,she was sent to the new home. She had a mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law, and a cow named Seti.
The husband raped her the first night of the wedding. She was a quite girl, analyses things, do not make an objection, even to the wrong things.
She got used to all the kitchen works eventually.
She occasionally received some harsh words from her in-laws despite all the efforts she made to make them happy. She got a lot of torture from her husband just because he wanted to.
With the first child in her womb, she wished to meet her family; but refused by her in-laws because she still had to prepare food for all, do the cleanings, feed the cow, and everything.
While her sister-in-law of same age went school, she was treated like a rat. What was the difference? One was a daughter while other was a daughter-in-law.
Her village was two villages apart, and she could not make it to there in a day.
“I cannot swallow something that has your hair in it.” –said the husband
It was just another ordinary day of being beaten, and being raped despite the child in the womb. She was a woman already, and a mother to be soon. She was lacking a lot of nutrition, and more of a love that a woman with a child in her body wishes to receive.
It was a girl. No happiness in the face of the husband and in-laws. She realized that, her parents and her home was a heaven while this was hell. She recalls being loved in her home, despite being a girl child.
“Take your child away from here, the horrible sound of her crying makes me sick.” -the husband said.
‘Your child’?
She is a quite woman. She doesn’t defend herself. She listens, cries, and forgets.
The in-laws and the husband eventually accepted the baby.
“She has eyes like her father; but stupid jaw lines, like her mother.”
“She is an amazing child. If only it was a grand-son, I would go to heaven after my death.”-the grand father said.
The baby smiled whenever her father got nearer. She lacked a lot of attention from the father, who had been dreaming of a son.
She still had a lot of works to do, and a lot of beatings for no valid reasons.
“You will make another baby now, this time I want a boy, and else you are out of this house. I do not mind to marry again.”
She was threatened. A baby on a lap, not being healed properly and there’s a demand of another child.
The day, she decided to runaway. Her mind was vacant of any thoughts. She had been saving money by taking some coins everyday from her husband’s wallet. She took all the gold she received from her marriage.
She took a bus to the city where she had never been before.
“I always knew she was a whore.”
“What kind of wife does that?”
“She will go to hell for this deed.”
The in-laws and the villagers started gossiping. The husband didn’t wish for her to be searched.
“We will get our son the most deserving wife soon.” –the grandparents said.
She reached the new city where she found herself a room to live in. She had changed her gold into money and could easily pay for everything for few months.
She lied to her landlord for being a widow and an orphan. That was her new reality anyway.
She was worried about the coming months, where she would lack money. Her landlord was a widow who was in her forties and she had some kind of business as well.
Sahara talked to her about the situation.
The woman helped her to gain a skill of tailoring and stitching; after a month of training, she had progressed a lot. She was hired by the woman herself for her cottage industry.
She was happy to be able to feed her baby and treat herself with all the happiness that she lacked before.
After all, Gods are always in favor of the brave women.
The city was more beautiful than the village for Sahara. The people would mind their own business and the women were also working to earn money and help their families. The single mothers could raise their children alone, without being judged.
She had a new family in her workplace. The landlord became her guardian.
She was a woman of wealth; her parents were right. She could save a lot of money, and also provide the best for the child.
Naani was growing. She would call her baby as Naani, which means a little girl.
Sahara started being more confident. She also added her ideas for the work and she was praised every time.
She had collected enough money for a new stitching machine and she had started preparing some clothes for Naani and herself.
Naani had started speaking, but she had never used a word Baba (father) in her life yet. Sahara was worried how she would tell her about the father who was a monstrous one.
Naani began to go school, and she realized she misses her lot while she was not there to disturb her every time while she worked.
Sahara used to teach Naani with her home works.
“Mamu, why don’t you go to school like me?” –said Naani.
This was a big question that made her think for another week.
After a week, she replied to Naani, “I will be going to school too.”
Naani was happy. Sahara took a big step of her life. She rejoined class tenth.
She was just 19 and age was not much of a problem for her.
Sahara also talked to her landlord; she would do her stitching work in the morning and the evening. Everyone in her workplace was happy. The school was amazed to see the bravery of Sahara, and she became an example for every other woman there.
“Let me help you do that, I am good at math.” –said Sahara to one of the girl in her class.
She had studied it already. Many students in her class took the help from her. She also became a class topper in her first terminal examination.
A year passed, she became a distinction holder, and was able to get an admission into a nursing school. Her aim of being a nurse was again on her way.
Naani was a decent child. She never asked for unnecessary toys. But, Sahara made sure; all the basic demands were fulfilled.
Sahara was able to save money from her stitching job;she did her nursing diploma in scholarship too. She was a dedicated student, a hardworking employee, and a loving mother.
During her final year of nursing, she also received a job in the renowned hospital that was near her flat. She had to quit the stitching job; but everyone in her workplace was happy for her new success.
Naani was doing well with her studies. She was a curious child. She started asking a lot about her father. Sahara added a lot of lies everyday to hide the truth.
A fine day, a new patient was admitted to the hospital where Sahara worked as a nurse. The patient was under her department.
She found out the patient was her mother, and she had suffered from a minor leg injury. She had fallen from the cliff while picking some vegetables. The father had come too. They didn’t recognize her at first, but after she called Aama and Buwa to them; the parents cried with happiness.
“Your in-laws said that you burnt yourself and your daughter and died.”
They all cried and hugged. The parents were proud to find out she was a nurse already and the grand daughter was going to school. She also took them to her place, Naani was happy to meet her grandparents.
They also felt sorry for terminating her school and force-marrying her to a monstrous man who married within the month of Sahara leaving.
They kept visiting Sahara from the very day, and Sahara promised to come back to them someday.
Today Sahara is a nurse, who is loved by everyone in the hospital. She literally has been a Sahara-support for them. She provides the best care for her patients. She also has her own stitching business. She has employed more than fifteen women at her business and she has been Sahara-the support for them as well.
She has got herself and her daughter a bigger apartment to live in. She is also dating a widower, who was initially one of her patient.
Naani has already crossed her first menstrual cycle. She lives in her own room, instead of a Chaupadi during her cycle. She is given extra attention and love by the mother; Sahara doesn’t let her daughter face the situations that she had to go through while she was her age.
Naani calls her mother the source of inspiration for her. She also has found out about her father, and she has stopped asking about him after knowing what he had done to her and her mother some years back.
“I have a mother, and I have a father too, fortunately, they both are a single person. I am glad I am a daughter of an amazing personality, who is not just a parent, but a Business woman, a Nurse, a mentor, and a responsible daughter.” –were the words of Naani during her speech on an event on her school.
Sahara feels that she has conquered the world when she hears these words from her daughter. She doesn’t blame anyone for her bad times. She is proud that she took a major step in her life that she calls as,”the runaway mother”.
There are lots of Sahara-snot just in villages, but in the towns too. But everyone does not end like this. Some are dying in the Chaupadi huts; some are ended up to being sold as prostitutes. Some women are killed by the husband or the in-laws, some are sent back to home due to lack of dowries they brought.
But, despite the pain and the problems, be brave enough to stand up, to raise a voice, and in times, be ready to runaway too.
1/11/2019
Aleena Rayamajhi
